Apple fans, you better duck. I'm taking aim. And you know what's coming. iPad Air? iPad Mini with Retina display? Is that it?

OK, I'll admit it - I will probably get one. But before you call me a hypocrite, hear me out. The fact is, I'll probably end up taking it back, too, thanks to that 14-day returns period.
Let's be honest here. Apple seems to have lost the plot. I watched the announcement like everyone else, waiting for a shooting star to appear on stage. Instead, I got the splatter of a wet lettuce - albeit one that's significantly lighter with a smaller bezel.